23 things I've learned over 23 years

Silly & serious musings on my 24th birthday

Hello, darlings!

It’s my 24th birthday, and today I’ll be sharing 23 lessons I’ve learned over 23 years — some silly, some serious. I’ve seen versions of this post around the interweb over the years, and I’ve always wanted to see what I’d come up with, so here we are. As I wandered around Rome this morning, I took notes on my phone of tidbits I might want to share, and it was a lovely means of reflection. 

1. Always keep 2 kinds of salt in your pantry: Diamond Crystal Kosher salt (non-negotiable) for cooking and Maldon (or some other flaky salt) for sprinkling.

2. Similarly, it’s best to keep 2 kinds of olive oil around: a basic olive oil for cooking and a fancy, peppery olive oil for drizzling.

3. You don’t have to be friends with people who make you feel shitty about yourself, and, in fact, you shouldn’t be!

4. As poet Ocean Vuong wrote, “Loneliness is still time spent with the world.” It’s a poignant reframing of loneliness that I think of often. 

5. Dried flowers are a nice way to keep some color in your apartment without going through a fresh bouquet every week. 

6. I love bougie beauty products—don’t get me wrong—but the best beauty products in the world are free, and they’re water and sleep. 

7. Don’t tell your feelings that they’re irrational. There’s definitely a reason why you’re experiencing them; it might just take a little digging to figure out what the reason is. 

8. Do the hardest thing on your to-do list first, so the rest of the day feels much more manageable. 

9. Try playing some brown noise to lull yourself to sleep. It’s lower than white noise and, in my opinion, much more relaxing. Plus, Teo hated my white noise, and he can tolerate my brown noise! Big win!

10. Keep pre-portioned cookie dough in your freezer, and you can have a freshly baked cookie whenever the craving strikes.

11. Sing at every opportunity.

12. Dance at every opportunity.

13. Write thank you notes, in both personal and professional contexts. Everyone wants to feel appreciated for their efforts, and it’s the easiest thing to write someone a quick, heartfelt thank you note.

14. Walk around an art museum while listening to moody music if you want to feel like you’re living in a movie. 

15. Speaking of movies, go to a movie by yourself when you need to recharge. And order a bucket of popcorn for yourself. With butter.

16. Don’t hold back generous thoughts. Eyeing someone’s dress? Tell them you like it! Admiring someone’s work from afar? Email them with praise! 

17. Onigiri at Japanese grocery stores are the best, healthiest, cheapest snack you can get yourself when you’re out and about in NYC.

18. Before you start freaking out about your life, take a walk around the block and drink a glass of water.

19. Brightly colored eyeshadow makes life more fun. I just swiped on some sky blue eyeshadow for my birthday dinner, and I can attest that I’m already having more fun. Extra credit: glitter.

20. Let yourself be taken care of. Especially if you’re usually the caretaker. 

21. Meditating in the morning right when you get up is really hard, but it makes the whole day better. If you can’t get yourself to do it, just take a few breaths before getting on with your day.

22. Habit-stacking (à la James Clear) is the act of combining something you like to do with something you find harder to do, and it’s the most effective way to accomplish the duller tasks on your to-do list. For example, I like watching reality TV while folding my laundry, and listening to podcasts while I stretch. I’ve started associating laundry and stretching with reality TV and podcasts, and it helps motivate me to do them. 

23. Celebrate your people. There’s a reason I love birthdays so much, and it’s because I want everyone to feel like the most important person in the world because they ARE.

Love you all. Tomorrow, I’ll report back with a description of my very special Roman birthday, along with other notes from the week.

Phoebs