An Introvert's Guide to NYC

Movie theaters, neighborhood cafés, dinners at the bar, and the joys of staying at home.

Hello from JFK Airport, where I’m waiting to board my flight to Paris — yay! I just bought a few magazines for my flight, which is an indulgence I try to limit to airports. Today’s haul includes Real Simple (which I always buy out of loyalty to my former employer), Vanity Fair (mostly for Cynthia and Ariana on the cover), and AFAR (for something new). The crisp, synthetic scent of a freshly printed magazine never gets old! I’ll be in Europe for just over two weeks for a work trip that leads into a short vacation, and I can’t wait to meet my French colleagues, see loved ones across the pond, and, of course, eat and write about all the good things. 

Today, I’d like to write about spending time alone in New York City. I’ve been reflecting a lot on my relationship with the city and how it’s evolved since I first moved here in 2017. 

Recently, I read a post about New York-based writer J Wortham’s wellness routine. It’s a fun read (and a fun routine) — idiosyncratic and considered. One part really stuck with me. Wortham shared, “...I’m learning that I like to have a morning where I’m not just throwing myself at the city. It’s one of the ways that I feel I can have real longevity in New York, where I don’t interface with the world right away.” 

When I first moved to New York, my whole life felt like throwing myself at the city. I’d do the things I thought I was supposed to do, and it all felt like too much — too much socializing, too much noise, too much conflict, too much money, too much everything. It took me years to figure out how to engage with the city in a way that feels right to me. 

So here we go: an introvert’s guide to living in and loving New York.

Find the right neighborhood. This was a big piece of the puzzle for me. I love the quiet Brooklyn neighborhood I live in now, with its tree-lined streets and historic townhouses. I love that I live in an area with lots of schools and young families with dogs and babies. I love that I can see the sky and that the air tastes cleaner than it does in Manhattan (even if it is not). After a long day in and around glassy skyscrapers, I’m always relieved to come home to Brooklyn. 

Anaïs, my favorite place in the neighborhood to write/work remotely

Turn off social media over the weekend. This is a new thing I’m trying in an effort to scroll less and live more. A happy consequence is that I don’t know how other people are spending their weekends, which keeps me from comparing my experience to theirs. As my friend Hannah put it, “because you can literally go and do anything in New York…to do nothing is hard.” It’s easy to feel pressured to do ALL THE THINGS while in New York, but doing ALL THE THINGS is impossible, exhausting, and expensive. Taking social media out of the equation (at least for the weekend) helps to relieve that pressure. 

Visit the dogs in Prospect Park. Dog lovers, wake up early and get thy booty to Prospect Park to see the dogs dashing off-leash before 9am. On a sunny day, you’ll find approximately ten million dogs, each goofier and sweeter than the next. You don’t have to talk to anyone besides a few dog-owners to compliment them on their beautiful beasts. 

Walk around a museum. My picks for a solo meander: The Frick Collection, The MoMa, and The Met. Preferably during off-peak hours!

Eat buttered popcorn for dinner. In New York, movie theaters are refuges — large, dark spaces nestled within the city. Whether you go alone or with people, seeing a movie is a good way to pause the stressors of your life and spend time with a story. My friends and I just saw My Old Ass, the new Aubrey Plaza and Maisy Stella movie, and loved it, if you need a suggestion. 

Edward Hopper, New York Movie

Take a delight walk. I wrote about the concept of unproductive, productive pastimes back in February, and I stand by this activity as one of the most healing things I do for myself.  

“Going for a walk with the specific intention of seeking delight, and taking notes as I see or hear anything charming, pretty, or funny. Notes from my latest walk: a woman wearing a long, sky-blue wool coat, a flock of birds painted on the side of a building, a wall of multicolored tapered candles in a garden store, a small child zooming down the street on her scooter.” 

Sit on a bench in a garden or park. Self-explanatory! Jefferson Market Garden and Cobble Hill Park are my happy places.

From my favorite bench in Jefferson Market Garden

BEC in Cobble Hill Park = yes

Attend an evensong. I sang in a choir all throughout high school and recently joined an adult choir (!). Although I don’t consider myself religious, I feel religious when I listen to choral music. Back in college, I’d sometimes attend evensong services at The Cathedral Church of Saint John the Divine by myself, and they were always so beautiful. 

Go to a play. Access to live theater is one of New York’s greatest gifts, and there are ways to find cheap seats! Seeing a show alone = pure romance. My friend Bel sees a lot of shows and highly recommends The Hills of California and Sunset Boulevard, so those two are at the top of my list. Oh, and don’t forget off-Broadway! I saw Stereophonic (which eventually went to Broadway) by myself on a rainy day at Playwrights Horizons at the urging of my friend Alice, and it was transcendent.

Dine at the bar. When I worked as a line cook at Hart’s, I realized that solo diners are among the highest compliments a restaurant can receive. Choosing to dine alone at a restaurant likely means you feel comfortable in the space, and that you love the food enough to seek it out on your own. I remember one woman who came in a few times by herself for an order of clam toast and a glass of wine; it always delighted me.

For a chic solo meal at the bar:

Hart’s (Bed-Stuy)
Roman’s (Fort Greene)
Altro Paradiso (SoHo) 
Union Square Cafe (USQ)

For a casual vibe (sans-traditional bar):

Saravanaa Bhavan (UWS/Kips Bay)
S&P (Flatiron)
Xi’an Famous Foods (all over!)

Stay home. It’s 100% normal and great to stay at home. You are so lucky to have a home! And your home is in New York? How frickin lucky are you?! It’s cool to love your space, spend time in it, and protect your peace. 

Yeesh, that turned into an epic list! Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for upcoming letters from my travels.

x Phoebe