That was then, and now is now

Connectedness, restaurants, NYC September

Friends at the bar

I spent much of my college experience alone, or at least feeling alone. Barnard was not just Barnard, but also Columbia, and also New York City; it was far vaster and grittier than I’d imagined. It didn’t help that grief permeated my personal life that first year and disconnected me from myself. Lost in my body, I struggled to connect with classmates, so I put my head down, focused on school and sleep, and powered through. Over my four years at Barnard, my wellbeing improved and deteriorated, as I’m sure it always will, but it was, from start until end, tinged with loneliness. I’ve yet to write in depth about this period of my life, but it already feels so sweet to write about it in past tense. That was then, and now is now! 

I mention this today because I had a week that was the antithesis of loneliness — seven days of hard work and hard play, always shoulder to shoulder with people. This is not to say that I was constantly having an amazing time; in fact, no, I was, more than once, crouching on the floor of the kitchen, dripping with sweat, gnawing on a piece of bread to keep me going. But — I always had a coworker crouching on the floor beside me, with equally achy legs and matching forearm burns from the fryer and blisters on our inner index fingers from clutching the handles of our knives. It is not a glamorous job, but it is not a lonely job.

Last Monday, the first person to walk into Hart’s for dinner was the chef of a restaurant I trailed at back in February. I went right up to his table to reintroduce myself and thank him for coming, and was surprised to discover that he remembered me. It was his first time at Hart’s, and he was kind and gracious, coming up to the kitchen after his meal to tell us how much he and his wife loved what they ate. Soon after his departure, the owner and executive chef of another nearby restaurant strolled into Hart’s and sat at the bar. I knew them, too, and greeted them warmly, making sure they got a little extra something from the kitchen. This sequence of events (in addition to the many visits I’ve received from friends lately) led my coworkers to start teasing me, calling me “the most popular girl in school.” Ha — if being the popular girl means having a big, joyful, supportive community, I’ll take the nickname.

That night, I kept thinking about myself seven months ago, wandering into restaurants where I knew nobody and next to nothing, asking if they’d give me a job. There’s still so much I don’t know and so many people I’ve yet to meet, but I’ve already managed to create a little life and community in the food industry. My lack of loneliness extends beyond my restaurant life, too. New York feels like it's blooming with people I love these days, and I try to see them all as much as I can. And of course there is Teo. This morning, we sat on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other, drinking coffee. How lucky am I?

New York is at its best today: bright, blue-skied, and brisk. I think I’ll take a walk!

Phoebs