Musing: Unproductive, productive pastimes

Detective shows, letters, Delight Walks, birthdays

Hello and happy weekend! How are we? 

I’ve had a shaky, nervy week, full of uncertainty about where my career is going, and how I want it to unfold. What I’m realizing is that no matter how well you prepare yourself (and I don’t know what else I could’ve done on that front), it’s almost inevitable to feel doubt at this age about what you’re doing and where it’ll take you. I’m following a career path that’s anything but formulaic; there are many ways to work in food and to write, but none of them are particularly obvious or linear. Food media has changed dramatically in the 6 or so years since I first dipped my toes into the industry, and will never stop evolving. Restaurants, too. I know, still, that I want to cook and write, to be creatively fulfilled and helpful to others, but I’m not sure how to turn those lovely ideas into a job that provides. 

In this phase, where every workday feels like a blind effort, I’m grateful for the pastimes that aren’t remotely connected to my career goals. In a way, the most unproductive pastimes I enjoy are the most productive — allowing me to disconnect, rest, and return to the page or the kitchen the next day ready to try again. It reminds me of my line cook days when I discovered the joys of reality television, something I’d been needlessly judgmental of beforehand. After long restaurant nights, I’d wake up, make myself a cup of coffee, and climb straight back into bed with an episode or three of something mindless and fun. I knew in my bones how hard I was working every day, and thus felt zero guilt about this routine — only pleasure!

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Here, a list I compiled of my most unproductive, productive pastimes of late:

1. Watching detective shows with Teo. We flew through C.B. Strike and have now moved on to True Detective (a rewatch for Teo, but new to me). I can’t stress about my life while watching these shows, because I’m too stressed about what’s going on, which is weirdly relaxing! I hide under the blanket at least once per show, and Teo tells me when it’s safe to look back at the screen. That’s amore. 

2. Writing letters. Angie, my roommate from Ballymaloe, and I have become pen pals, and receiving a letter from her never ceases to delight. 

3. Noodling on the guitar, stretching my fingers to play new chords, singing.

4. Going for a walk with the specific intention of seeking delight, and taking notes as I see or hear anything charming, pretty, or funny. Notes from my latest walk: a woman wearing a long, sky-blue wool coat, a flock of birds painted on the side of a building, a wall of multicolored tapered candles in a garden store, a small child zooming down the street on her scooter.

   

   From the Brooklyn Heights Promenade

   

   Behind the camera on a Delight Walk

5. Playing backgammon! So much backgammon!

6. Celebrating birthdays. I famously love birthdays — everybody’s birthdays, not just my own! I’ve been thinking lately about why that is, and my current conclusion is that we so rarely celebrate each other just for existing. Celebration is so often achievement-based, and I love that birthdays are annual reminders that we’re worthy and loved just because we are. 

   

   Celebrating our Taylor’s birthday!

7. Calling family and friends just to chat.

8. Baking cookies. Is there anything more soothing than following a recipe to a T and getting rewarded with a warm cookie to dunk in cold milk? I think not. Some favorite cookie recipes: Rye-Cranberry Chocolate-Chunk, Olive Oil Pistachio, Whole Wheat Chocolate Oat, and Gingerbread Blondies (a cookie-adjacent rec from Eliza!). 

   

   Today’s cookies

9. Finding reasons to braise a big hunk of meat and invite people over for dinner. The most recent example: this carnitas recipe and a spread of taco fixings for Grammy night.

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As always, thank you for reading. If you have anything to share, please do! If you respond directly to this email, it’ll go straight to my inbox. 

Love,

Phoebe