What do you really want to eat?
Female hunger, and the joys of unearthing your appetite
Hi, dears!
There’s a trope I keep seeing on social media of women responding “I don’t care!” when their male partners ask them what they want to eat, and then scoffing when they suggest something they don’t want. It’s supposed to be funny, I guess, but I see it as more troubling than anything. It’s the acknowledgement that women have tried to suppress their appetites for so long that many of them (us) don’t know what they (we) want to eat anymore. Or maybe it’s an expression of exhaustion, since women so often carry the duty of preparing meals for their families, causing hunger to feel relentless and exasperating. It’s not just a TikTok bit; the sad truth is that many women feel disconnected from their hunger.
From my perspective, finding your hunger demands unraveling diet culture, and recognizing the ways it manifests within yourself. Alas, I’m still working on my own recovery, so I don’t feel remotely qualified to guide anyone else. With that said, I do want to talk about hunger, and the joys of unearthing your unique appetite, in all its glorious specificity.
Today, I’m sharing 3 ideas for figuring out what you really want to eat, with the hope that I can help you befriend your hunger.
A good old-fashioned collage
If you, like me, were obsessed with making magazine collages as a tween, this tip is for you. Start following food people (journalists, chefs, stylists, etc.) on Instagram, and save the food photos that speak to you. I’m always gathering Instagram images of food, and it’s sort of hilarious to see how often the same things come up. There’s a lot of dark chocolate, bread, greens, butter, maple syrup, berries, and so on. It’s a cohesive collection — much more so than I thought it would be when I started. I see the overall vibe as simple, nourishing, and generous, and those words feel true to my ideal cooking style.
I got the Instagram collage idea from a celebrity fashion stylist named Allison Bornstein. To find your personal style, she recommends saving images of outfits you like, and tracking the patterns. Collect visual inspiration, interpret the images, and continue from there. To be clear, I have *by no means* solved the mystery of how I want to dress, and would be happy to have Bornstein sort that out on my behalf, but I do feel like I’m in touch with how and what I want to eat.
Cookbooks & sticky notes
I like to read cookbooks in the morning, with a cup of coffee and a stack of sticky notes close at hand. My most beloved cookbooks are littered with sticky notes marking recipes I’d like to try. To me, physical cookbooks — in all their weighty, stained, marked-up wonder — are an irreplaceable source of inspiration. Some favorites: The Art of Simple Food by Alice Waters, Six Seasons by Joshua McFadden, and Sunday Suppers at Lucques by Suzanne Goin.
Restaurant daydreaming
One of my favorite pastimes is to Google restaurants whose food I admire, and revel in their online menus. I’ve been to some of the restaurants I look up, but most are places I’ve discovered through recommendations from friends or food writing publications or Instagram. Many restaurants keep their online menus updated, so I check them often to see how they’re treating produce and taking cues from the seasons.
And, of course, it’s also a form of healthy escapism.
Café Cecilia when I’m dreaming of a fresh, elegant meal of fish and vegetables…with deep-fried bread and butter pudding in cold custard for dessert. Stissing House for the seasonal affective disorder cure: splitting the wood-roasted chicken or rabbit and tarragon pie in candlelight with someone you love. Oleana for a vibrant Turkish spread with lamb kofteh, whipped feta, and fatteh with caramelized onions, cauliflower, and crispy mushrooms.
That’s all for today! It’s rainy and cold in New York City, and I feel like a lump, so you won’t be getting an elegant closing remark from me. :) Maybe I’ll go to a movie and eat buttered popcorn for lunch…
Hope you are well. And warm. And safe. Lots of love to you.
Phoebs
Yum, yum, and yum. I love the advise about everything.